IT IS CHRISTMAS BREAK
Well-- In one hour it will be
And today's actually the apocalypse
Soo
HAPPY APOCALYPSE!!
I swear, if I don't see you guys during the Tumblr party in Hell I'll be sad
But anyway
If I don't post anything for like, a week it's cause I'm on Christmas break
I might post something later today just to hold y'all over though
*Shrug * I don't know
Friday, December 21, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
Seriousness, That's The Word-- Right?
Okay you guys
I'm being serious here
And I had to edit my author email cause I never went on the other one
So I changed it
This weekend I watched a movie called @Suicide Room. Now if you haven’t seen this movie then you need to, and if you have see this movie you’re going to understand what I’m saying here. @Suicide Room follows Dominik, a Polish teenager who’s gay. Now there it stuck a chord with me, along with the fact that he got bullied for it. So here I can already relate to this kid, I know what he’s going through and it makes sense.
Then he meets Sylvia, a girl who hosts an online chat room/virtual world called “The Suicide Room” where she and a few other people watch videos of people killing themselves. Sylvia wants to kill herself and she manipulates Dominik into thinking he wants to kill himself as well. Now here it strikes another chord with me. I’ve attempted suicide several times, and if there had been a trigger warning (Which there should’ve) on the cover art for this movie I wouldn’t have watched it.
I hate to sound so lame here but I’ve poured bleach into a cup, I’ve taken a handful of pills. And yet I stopped myself just like Dominik tries to stop Sylvia. Now in the end *Spoiler Alert* Dominik still kills himself. But he was pushed to the edge, just like so many people have. I’ve been pushed to the edge and I have the scars to prove it.
So now, halfway through the film it did bring back some really bad memories for me. Things I really did want to forget. But I now know that I will not ever forget them because I etched them into my skin with a razor. For those who cried during this movie, I need to say that you cried because you haven’t gone through that. For people like me who didn’t cry it was because we related so deeply that it was like we were just reliving what happened to us. So no, I wasn’t being heartless when I didn’t cry. I was remembering what I had gone through.
This movie really makes you think about what you’re doing and what you should be doing. Even if things do get tough it doesn’t mean that you have to do anything. Sylvia told Dominik that he didn’t have to do a thing. Whatever he wanted to do he could do and if he didn’t want to do something he doesn’t have to do it. And yes, Dominik overreacted somewhat but we all do when we’re in that situation.
It was a very realistic movie that got five stars from me. If you have hurt yourself or if you currently do I would say to not watch this movie unless you have self control. Because even now, four months after I’ve stopped I’m still thinking about it because my mind is making me relive what I went through. If you haven’t hurt yourself then watch it, if I could I would have my entire school watch it because it’s such a strong movie.
If you ever need to talk to me or if you want to ask me questions about what you or what I went through feel free to email me at kat.beast.frost@gmail.com because you’re worth so much more than hurting yourself. If you don’t want to talk to me about it but you still need help and you’re apart of the LGBT community then call this number: 866-488-7386. There’s always going to be someone standing by waiting for your call. If you’re not apart of the gay community then call 1800-273-8255. Again someone will always be there waiting for your call.
If it’s any help I used to keep those numbers in my speed dial because it was that bad, no matter what remember that you are important and that you mean something. I will always be here to help you and I will always be here to talk with you. Forever remember that I love you. <3
If you’re a parent who is denying that their child has mental health problems, or that their child tried to commit suicide, stop.
Suicide is serious and if your child attempted it, they’re serious. Because when my mom denied it saying “No, you’re not.” it made it worse. I felt like I was even more wrong than I already was.
If you’re a sibling to someone going through this just let them go through it. Just let them have attention. It’s a horrible thing to go through and you don’t want it to get worse for them.
Even to this day I still have these problems, and if you do too, you’re not alone. Remember that I will always be here for you, even if you live in Texas and I live up here in Wisconsin. I’ll always be here for you. I love you. <3
#Ashley #Sidney #Brittany #Sarah #Cassidy #Max #Brianna #Halley #Anja #Alex #Hayley #Carly #Kierra #Emma #Arianna #Shelby #Marshall #Soul Blood # Sarah Huntley #All who read this
I'm being serious here
And I had to edit my author email cause I never went on the other one
So I changed it
This weekend I watched a movie called @Suicide Room. Now if you haven’t seen this movie then you need to, and if you have see this movie you’re going to understand what I’m saying here. @Suicide Room follows Dominik, a Polish teenager who’s gay. Now there it stuck a chord with me, along with the fact that he got bullied for it. So here I can already relate to this kid, I know what he’s going through and it makes sense.
Then he meets Sylvia, a girl who hosts an online chat room/virtual world called “The Suicide Room” where she and a few other people watch videos of people killing themselves. Sylvia wants to kill herself and she manipulates Dominik into thinking he wants to kill himself as well. Now here it strikes another chord with me. I’ve attempted suicide several times, and if there had been a trigger warning (Which there should’ve) on the cover art for this movie I wouldn’t have watched it.
I hate to sound so lame here but I’ve poured bleach into a cup, I’ve taken a handful of pills. And yet I stopped myself just like Dominik tries to stop Sylvia. Now in the end *Spoiler Alert* Dominik still kills himself. But he was pushed to the edge, just like so many people have. I’ve been pushed to the edge and I have the scars to prove it.
So now, halfway through the film it did bring back some really bad memories for me. Things I really did want to forget. But I now know that I will not ever forget them because I etched them into my skin with a razor. For those who cried during this movie, I need to say that you cried because you haven’t gone through that. For people like me who didn’t cry it was because we related so deeply that it was like we were just reliving what happened to us. So no, I wasn’t being heartless when I didn’t cry. I was remembering what I had gone through.
This movie really makes you think about what you’re doing and what you should be doing. Even if things do get tough it doesn’t mean that you have to do anything. Sylvia told Dominik that he didn’t have to do a thing. Whatever he wanted to do he could do and if he didn’t want to do something he doesn’t have to do it. And yes, Dominik overreacted somewhat but we all do when we’re in that situation.
It was a very realistic movie that got five stars from me. If you have hurt yourself or if you currently do I would say to not watch this movie unless you have self control. Because even now, four months after I’ve stopped I’m still thinking about it because my mind is making me relive what I went through. If you haven’t hurt yourself then watch it, if I could I would have my entire school watch it because it’s such a strong movie.
If you ever need to talk to me or if you want to ask me questions about what you or what I went through feel free to email me at kat.beast.frost@gmail.com because you’re worth so much more than hurting yourself. If you don’t want to talk to me about it but you still need help and you’re apart of the LGBT community then call this number: 866-488-7386. There’s always going to be someone standing by waiting for your call. If you’re not apart of the gay community then call 1800-273-8255. Again someone will always be there waiting for your call.
If it’s any help I used to keep those numbers in my speed dial because it was that bad, no matter what remember that you are important and that you mean something. I will always be here to help you and I will always be here to talk with you. Forever remember that I love you. <3
If you’re a parent who is denying that their child has mental health problems, or that their child tried to commit suicide, stop.
Suicide is serious and if your child attempted it, they’re serious. Because when my mom denied it saying “No, you’re not.” it made it worse. I felt like I was even more wrong than I already was.
If you’re a sibling to someone going through this just let them go through it. Just let them have attention. It’s a horrible thing to go through and you don’t want it to get worse for them.
Even to this day I still have these problems, and if you do too, you’re not alone. Remember that I will always be here for you, even if you live in Texas and I live up here in Wisconsin. I’ll always be here for you. I love you. <3
#Ashley #Sidney #Brittany #Sarah #Cassidy #Max #Brianna #Halley #Anja #Alex #Hayley #Carly #Kierra #Emma #Arianna #Shelby #Marshall #Soul Blood # Sarah Huntley #All who read this
Bluhhhhhhhhhhhh
I'm sick today but I'll still post stuff!!!
Something important happened, 12/14/12. To all of the parents of the kids who died, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. To all of the kids who died, you were a great and I’m sorry that your life was cut short. To all of the kids who lived, I am so sorry about what happened, and I’m so sorry that you will never forget that. To the fabulous teachers, you were great. To the teacher who told her students “I love you,” When she thought she heard the gunman, you are a wonderful contribution to society. To the teacher who hid her kids in cabinets, on top of cabinets-- anywhere, you are so brave.
So that’s all I can think about without crying.
Something important happened, 12/14/12. To all of the parents of the kids who died, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. To all of the kids who died, you were a great and I’m sorry that your life was cut short. To all of the kids who lived, I am so sorry about what happened, and I’m so sorry that you will never forget that. To the fabulous teachers, you were great. To the teacher who told her students “I love you,” When she thought she heard the gunman, you are a wonderful contribution to society. To the teacher who hid her kids in cabinets, on top of cabinets-- anywhere, you are so brave.
So that’s all I can think about without crying.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Equality
Today
was a normal day, correct? Correct. But 5th hour writing lab proved
to be weird. Several students who I’m going to keep unnamed since this is a
public blog, started having a conversation. Now normally, I try not to listen
to the asinine things my classmates say. But this particular conversation
struck a chord with me. Living in 2012 brings so many fabulous opportunities
and horrible people. So what was things conversation about? To be blunt, it was
about a specific student who happens to be a friend of mine and the fact that
he happens to be gay.
I’ll
try as best as I can to keep their names a secret but I wanted to write this to
get my point across. But here are the facts: I’m a girl. I happen to be
lesbian. I happen to have a girlfriend. Is there something wrong with me
because of this? No. And should you hate me because of this? No. So when this
topic came up I instantly became defensive. And I was so close to jumping up,
punching the kid and going on and on about how difficult it is to be different
in that way.
People
always think of it as a choice, just how you choose your clothes every day. But
it isn’t a choice, it’s just something you learn about yourself as you grow up.
It’s a long process to accept and I took it down a dark path, but finally I
realized that it was a part of me and that no matter how many times I hurt
myself, it wouldn’t go away. I was bullied a lot because of it which made it
even harder to accept. People need to be open and not hate others because they
like something different.
Now I
understand that everyone has their own opinion, and I don’t want to tell anyone
that their opinion is wrong—since it’s just an opinion. But I’d rather not feel
offended because you think that my liking the same gender is wrong. Especially
in school. And especially since almost everyone at my school knows this, they
still tell me these things—and expect me to agree.
Maybe
it’s just me, but I think it would be a little hypocritical to say that when I
am that. So I guess the whole point of this sort of essay is to just say this:
Think before you speak. Because last year when I was getting called “Fag” and “Gay”,
I didn’t know what to say so I took it out on myself. Now I have many comebacks
for those sort of things. Mostly just smiling and walking away because kindness
kills (Thank you Ashley for that piece of wisdom).
Walter James Simpson.
Walter James Simpson is a horrible person.
I knew Walter James Simpson for seven years. During that time he went from a person that I liked to a person I despised. This story isn't easy, but I'll try my best to tell it how it happened.
How it exactly happened.
Now let's go back seven years, back to 4th grade. Back to the land of puppy love, 'drama', and going to a new school. This is my first year at Herring Elementary School. If you're going to understand the whole story, I should probably tell you my name. Well, that's unimportant actually. So is the fact that this was my first day at a public school.
This school seemed amazing. Little did I know that it would ruin me. But as I walked into this school I didn't expect to make friends, I didn't expect to like my teacher. I expected to go in there happy and leave crying. And I had been right, I went in happy and as the day progressed it became worse. But by the time it was lunch, I had made a few friends.
Friends that I thought would stick around.
Friends who wouldn't go behind your back.
Friends who wouldn't ruin your life.
Yet I'm not lucky like that. And good things don't happen. Especially to me. I had been shy and quiet, and this obviously made me friends who were going to walk all over me and take me for granted. But I didn't really care. All I wanted was some friends. No matter how temporary and toxic they were. For now I'll skip them, right now the only important person to remember-- The only important name to remember is Walter James Simpson.
As I walked out of the lunchroom, going outside to the warm fall air there was a person. Someone. He was looking at me intently. Like he knew me. But I ignored it, focusing on my phony friends of the moment. Trying to enjoy adolescence and all it's glory.
"Hey, are you Bea Conners?" This boy asked me as we walked into the school again.
"Um... Yes?" I said cautiously. A stranger who knew my name.
"I'm Walter Simpson. Our dads know each other!" He had a kid grin.
"Oh, um, really?" Simpson? The only Simpson family I knew was on T.V., and they weren't real.
"Yeah!" He linked arms with me--
This is a key moment to remember. Something I will never forget. This was the moment that Walter had decided we were best friends.
Even if I didn't want him as a best friend.
"We're going to be best friends for like, ever." He exaggerated.
"Okay?" I shrugged, unsure of how to feel about this.
Now this is how it all started. For years it would be like this. Being forced to be his friend. Never getting to say what I wanted to. Never getting to be myself. Yet this is all still unimportant. What you need to remember is Walter James Simpson. And so far I hope that's all you remembered. And maybe the fact that he's pushy. That's kinda important.
Let's jump about, hm, three years. Seventh Grade. Since 4th grade these are the landmark things that happened: Walter James Simpson and I met Harry Midford, Owen Trey, Selena Briggs, and Victoria Steinhaus. Yes there were other people, but these four are important. After sixth grade, our last year in elementary school, Owen left to go with her father. The rest of us stayed.
And now, Walter James Simpson and I have started going through the harsh deep pits of what you could call depression.
I call it an attempt for attention.
Although it's unpleasant to talk about now, Walter James Simpson and I formed bad habits. Just think and link, depression and bad habits. Whichever you chose, go with it.
I stopped Walter the first few times he attempted to do these things to himself, it was always a reoccurring thing and every time I heard about it I'd say that I'd tell his mom and dad.
Truthfully that's what I should've done, but I didn't. When Walter James Simpson heard about me and this habit, he tried once.There's the next thing to remember.After I tried and tried and tried to make him stop, he tried to stop me once.
Such a great friend, Walter.
I really appreciate it.
For Walter everything was about him. He was the main character of everyone else's life. Like that moment when you're watch a television show and they switch to what's happening in another character's life and all you can do is go: "No! I wanted to see what happens!". But then when those characters meet up you missed what happened and you'll never see what went down.
So now the three things to remember: 1) Walter James Simpson. 2) He's pushy. And 3) He stopped me once from this habit after I endlessly tried to stop him.
Now remember that, because things get worse. 7th graders are harsh. Walter and I learned this the hard way. Constantly we were bullied, so finally we dragged our parents into it.
All Hell broke loose.
Hell as in the place, somewhere I felt that I was already living. But that's not important-- currently.
So now our parents are in on this bullying. We now have to deal with even more torment because we're trying to eliminate it.God I hate people. But anyway, that was 7th grade. Pure torture.
So let's move to 8th grade, since 7th grade was unpleasant and I don't really want to get in depth about it. But before that, the summer in between 7th and 8th grade was horrible. Things got worse.
And my habits became deadly.To this day I still run my hand over the scars and I still feel the pain that I experienced.
I just don't show it.
So 8th grade. Where our story really should come to an end. 8th grade was weird because Harry and I accepted that we were different in the way that we liked our own gender. Walter was stuck in the middle, he wasn't really sure where to go.So we all waited. Everything at this point was still all about Walter.
If I ever asked for help he had to bring it around to himself. When I got depressed he yelled at me and we really stopped being friends.
Things were tough.
But somehow he conned me back into being friends with him.And still to this day it's the same old thing. But for one week we fought like we were going to die. And I must say that I held up very well during that fight. As Walter broke down at school I stood there with my head held high and a smile on my face.
This might seem sick
Or mean
Or heartless
But the moment I got home I would burst into tears. Walter had never really let me be friends with anyone outside of our group, and they were all scared that Walter would spread rumors of them if they weren't friends with him.That's a real friend? No. But I held strong at school so it would look like I had no problems whatsoever. And not crying at school was easy.At home it was harder.But we made it through. And we're friends. But I had--
*have
A thick layer of loathing still holding silently onto my shoulders.
So now we're here. After this fight. All of this tension is still here. But we never talk about it. We never say anything. We're just going to wait for another fight to start.
I apologize now to all of those who will be affected.
And to all of my friends.
You're great, and I'm so sorry you've had to go through that.
And if you ever need to talk to me feel free.
So now we're here.
I still know Walter and all of our other friends.
And now I think you can tell why Walter was such a horrible person. If you still need more reasons then just ask. But he's just so selfish and just doesn't care about anyone but himself.
And now you know the story of Walter James Simpson.
I knew Walter James Simpson for seven years. During that time he went from a person that I liked to a person I despised. This story isn't easy, but I'll try my best to tell it how it happened.
How it exactly happened.
Now let's go back seven years, back to 4th grade. Back to the land of puppy love, 'drama', and going to a new school. This is my first year at Herring Elementary School. If you're going to understand the whole story, I should probably tell you my name. Well, that's unimportant actually. So is the fact that this was my first day at a public school.
This school seemed amazing. Little did I know that it would ruin me. But as I walked into this school I didn't expect to make friends, I didn't expect to like my teacher. I expected to go in there happy and leave crying. And I had been right, I went in happy and as the day progressed it became worse. But by the time it was lunch, I had made a few friends.
Friends that I thought would stick around.
Friends who wouldn't go behind your back.
Friends who wouldn't ruin your life.
Yet I'm not lucky like that. And good things don't happen. Especially to me. I had been shy and quiet, and this obviously made me friends who were going to walk all over me and take me for granted. But I didn't really care. All I wanted was some friends. No matter how temporary and toxic they were. For now I'll skip them, right now the only important person to remember-- The only important name to remember is Walter James Simpson.
As I walked out of the lunchroom, going outside to the warm fall air there was a person. Someone. He was looking at me intently. Like he knew me. But I ignored it, focusing on my phony friends of the moment. Trying to enjoy adolescence and all it's glory.
"Hey, are you Bea Conners?" This boy asked me as we walked into the school again.
"Um... Yes?" I said cautiously. A stranger who knew my name.
"I'm Walter Simpson. Our dads know each other!" He had a kid grin.
"Oh, um, really?" Simpson? The only Simpson family I knew was on T.V., and they weren't real.
"Yeah!" He linked arms with me--
This is a key moment to remember. Something I will never forget. This was the moment that Walter had decided we were best friends.
Even if I didn't want him as a best friend.
"We're going to be best friends for like, ever." He exaggerated.
"Okay?" I shrugged, unsure of how to feel about this.
Now this is how it all started. For years it would be like this. Being forced to be his friend. Never getting to say what I wanted to. Never getting to be myself. Yet this is all still unimportant. What you need to remember is Walter James Simpson. And so far I hope that's all you remembered. And maybe the fact that he's pushy. That's kinda important.
Let's jump about, hm, three years. Seventh Grade. Since 4th grade these are the landmark things that happened: Walter James Simpson and I met Harry Midford, Owen Trey, Selena Briggs, and Victoria Steinhaus. Yes there were other people, but these four are important. After sixth grade, our last year in elementary school, Owen left to go with her father. The rest of us stayed.
And now, Walter James Simpson and I have started going through the harsh deep pits of what you could call depression.
I call it an attempt for attention.
Although it's unpleasant to talk about now, Walter James Simpson and I formed bad habits. Just think and link, depression and bad habits. Whichever you chose, go with it.
I stopped Walter the first few times he attempted to do these things to himself, it was always a reoccurring thing and every time I heard about it I'd say that I'd tell his mom and dad.
Truthfully that's what I should've done, but I didn't. When Walter James Simpson heard about me and this habit, he tried once.There's the next thing to remember.After I tried and tried and tried to make him stop, he tried to stop me once.
Such a great friend, Walter.
I really appreciate it.
For Walter everything was about him. He was the main character of everyone else's life. Like that moment when you're watch a television show and they switch to what's happening in another character's life and all you can do is go: "No! I wanted to see what happens!". But then when those characters meet up you missed what happened and you'll never see what went down.
So now the three things to remember: 1) Walter James Simpson. 2) He's pushy. And 3) He stopped me once from this habit after I endlessly tried to stop him.
Now remember that, because things get worse. 7th graders are harsh. Walter and I learned this the hard way. Constantly we were bullied, so finally we dragged our parents into it.
All Hell broke loose.
Hell as in the place, somewhere I felt that I was already living. But that's not important-- currently.
So now our parents are in on this bullying. We now have to deal with even more torment because we're trying to eliminate it.God I hate people. But anyway, that was 7th grade. Pure torture.
So let's move to 8th grade, since 7th grade was unpleasant and I don't really want to get in depth about it. But before that, the summer in between 7th and 8th grade was horrible. Things got worse.
And my habits became deadly.To this day I still run my hand over the scars and I still feel the pain that I experienced.
I just don't show it.
So 8th grade. Where our story really should come to an end. 8th grade was weird because Harry and I accepted that we were different in the way that we liked our own gender. Walter was stuck in the middle, he wasn't really sure where to go.So we all waited. Everything at this point was still all about Walter.
If I ever asked for help he had to bring it around to himself. When I got depressed he yelled at me and we really stopped being friends.
Things were tough.
But somehow he conned me back into being friends with him.And still to this day it's the same old thing. But for one week we fought like we were going to die. And I must say that I held up very well during that fight. As Walter broke down at school I stood there with my head held high and a smile on my face.
This might seem sick
Or mean
Or heartless
But the moment I got home I would burst into tears. Walter had never really let me be friends with anyone outside of our group, and they were all scared that Walter would spread rumors of them if they weren't friends with him.That's a real friend? No. But I held strong at school so it would look like I had no problems whatsoever. And not crying at school was easy.At home it was harder.But we made it through. And we're friends. But I had--
*have
A thick layer of loathing still holding silently onto my shoulders.
So now we're here. After this fight. All of this tension is still here. But we never talk about it. We never say anything. We're just going to wait for another fight to start.
I apologize now to all of those who will be affected.
And to all of my friends.
You're great, and I'm so sorry you've had to go through that.
And if you ever need to talk to me feel free.
So now we're here.
I still know Walter and all of our other friends.
And now I think you can tell why Walter was such a horrible person. If you still need more reasons then just ask. But he's just so selfish and just doesn't care about anyone but himself.
And now you know the story of Walter James Simpson.
Theme
For this assignment I went with
Insanity instead of a story I haven’t published yet. One of the themes here
would probably be the therapy of friendship since they all have this deep care
for each other, and they keep thinking about each other. All of the kids have
this wish to talk to John, but since he isn’t able to talk to them they look to
one another to be their support. Jade and Rose find comfort in talking to Dave because
he’s always so blunt and truthful, they know that he isn’t going to lie to
them. Rose is always willing to listen to Jade and Dave’s problems, but Jade
doesn’t always trust her and Dave can’t admit that he needs help. Jade is just
there, she relies on others but can’t really do much for them. She does have
the ability to make them smile though.
The theme that sticks out to me the
most would have to be suffering, they’re all going through something different.
John has to go through the mental hospital, Rose has to survive her mother’s
addiction, Dave has to live with all of this self loathing, and Jade has to be
all alone. Thinking about each other seems to keep them alive. Which goes back
to needing each other. Just the thought of the others being there to help them
is enough to keep them going. And when one of them isn’t there (John), they
can’t stop thinking about their missing comrade. It’s like a puzzle that they
all fit into, and when one piece is missing it doesn’t work.
My goal here was to make this like the
original base for the story, Homestuck. I feel like I’ve made it similar in the
way that Dave has that self loathing, Rose’s mom does have a drinking problem,
Jade is all alone, and John goes through so much that he could end up in a
mental hospital. I wanted to keep their locations the same because it gives
them the feeling of how apart they all are, but that no matter what they still
care about each other. Even if they are miles apart there seems to be this
strong bond that none of them will ever lose. It’s like they’d drop everything
and leave just for each other. Just because they’re internet friends doesn’t
mean that they don’t care about each other.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Cirque Du Araignee - Act 1
Kill me when the sun comes up.
Or life will go on forever.--Kill me when the sun comes up.
Because I cannot give up.-- Kill me when the sun comes up.
Or the moon will never go down.-- Kill me when the sun comes up.
Because death is yours to give.-- Kill me when the sun comes up.
Or pain will last till embers turn to ashes.-- Kill me when the sun comes up.
For life is no longer worth living in this form.
So meet me in the rain.
And take away the pain.
Put out the fire and let the embers die.
I wanted it.
And I needed it.
But I never said a thing.
So kill me before the sun does.
For it will rise when you are frightened.
Remember the dead.
Love the live.
Punish the impure.
Destroy the unwanted.
Ruin the unacceptable.
Kill the unnecessary.
Life and death determine who is worth being here.
So when death knocks on your door.
And life pushes itself upon you.
Remember those who were pushed down by your doings.
And those who were killed by your words.
Time does not heal wounds since time is heartless in how it passes.
Time kills.
Time burns out embers.
Time brings new life.
Time does not care about wounds.
But it does care about passing,
The circle of life.
So when time decides to bring up the sun.
You’ll have killed me by then.
Or life will go on forever.--Kill me when the sun comes up.
Because I cannot give up.-- Kill me when the sun comes up.
Or the moon will never go down.-- Kill me when the sun comes up.
Because death is yours to give.-- Kill me when the sun comes up.
Or pain will last till embers turn to ashes.-- Kill me when the sun comes up.
For life is no longer worth living in this form.
So meet me in the rain.
And take away the pain.
Put out the fire and let the embers die.
I wanted it.
And I needed it.
But I never said a thing.
So kill me before the sun does.
For it will rise when you are frightened.
Remember the dead.
Love the live.
Punish the impure.
Destroy the unwanted.
Ruin the unacceptable.
Kill the unnecessary.
Life and death determine who is worth being here.
So when death knocks on your door.
And life pushes itself upon you.
Remember those who were pushed down by your doings.
And those who were killed by your words.
Time does not heal wounds since time is heartless in how it passes.
Time kills.
Time burns out embers.
Time brings new life.
Time does not care about wounds.
But it does care about passing,
The circle of life.
So when time decides to bring up the sun.
You’ll have killed me by then.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Insanity - Act 2
((Sorry that part of Rose's thing is hard to read))
Another solemn day had passed, bringing endless flashbacks and terrors. Finally he decided on the name John Egbert. Well, he had been told that his name was John Egbert. John had been hoping that his friends would visit him, especially on his birthday.. But days had past, proving that they couldn’t. He flopped back onto his bed, thinking things over. The nightmares hadn’t gone away but they had changed.
Part of him thought they had become worse, but he couldn’t fully judge them since he hadn’t slept through a whole night since they started. John was tired, very, very tired. Maybe, just maybe he could fall asleep....
John woke up, finding himself in front of a mirror. His straight jacket had been replaced by a ridiculous blue hoodie with a weird wind symbol on it. Upon further inspection he was in a 360 mirror. Everything looked normal, right? Things didn’t feel as hazy, things felt clear. But this couldn’t be reality, John sighed and closed his eyes. What was there left for him? Slowly he opened his eyes, his friend from Rainbow Falls was next to him in his reflection.
“Rose!” He put his hands up against the glass.
Things started making sense, things started clicking. He remembered them, his best friends. Rose gave him a weak smile, she looked like she was hurt. Slowly Rose disintegrated away, leaving nothing but space next to him. John couldn’t believe this, what was going on? After another blink his friend from Houston chilled against the side of the mirror with him.
“Dave?” John asked, remembering his friend.
Dave’s frames suddenly split. Revealing his red eyes that were full of pain and sorrow. John’s friend kneeled down to the ground and disappeared. Was he imagining? Was this real? John sunk to the floor, joining where his newly departed friend should’ve sat with him.
“Hey,” A soft voice said.“Jade?” John looked up, hopeful that his other friend would be there too.
A girl that could’ve been John’s twin stood in the mirror. Her grin was enough to make John think she was real, but when he reached out she had turned out to be an imagination. Several lights went out that John hadn’t even known were on. His other friends started appearing in the mirrors, many of them were on the ground, many of them were dead.
He saw blue blood get splattered across the face of a mirror, and on the next one a boy in a wheelchair sat crying. This didn’t make sense, at least, not to John. Finally on the last mirror a body was laying, cherry red blood seeped out their sides and John knew his best friend had died.
“Why?!” He threw himself onto the mirror, but in reality he threw himself onto the ground.
John woke up on the floor, strapped into his straight jacket. All of it had been a dream. His cruel imagination was killing him.
Rainbow Falls, North Carolina
Rose Lalonde finds herself sitting on her window ledge-- again. This place had become a nirvana-- as if nothing could hurt her here. In all reality that was a lie though-- a horrible horrible lie that she kept telling herself. Recently Rose had found some comfort in waiting for her platonic friend to come online, but everyone kept telling her that the one person-- the platonic friend-- who could make her feel better had died.
Everything seemed to freeze. No noise was made, nothing moved. Instantly Rose jumped up and ran downstairs, usually Mom was arguing with the television or one of the various wizard statues. But her mom was gone. Rose felt somewhat relieved. Her worst fear was that Mom had passed out-- again. But Mom’s car was gone, and if she left then who cared? Rose just didn’t want to have to deal with Mom’s dead-weight body.
Something on the fridge caught Rose’s attention. A 24-pack of ‘W’ magnets. Why ‘W’ exactly? Well, Mom had gotten them, so it was probably ‘W’ for ‘Wizards’. Or as Mom would say, ‘Wisards’. For a moment Rose thought of how her mother had turned out so weird. The incompetent spelling skills that Mom had were just baffling as to how she made it through school.
Randomly Rose took a ‘W’ magnet and placed 93 cents in its place, what she assumes a piece of plastic in the shape costs. Not thinking clearly, she places it on her top lip, acting like she has a moustache. This brings about 2.7 seconds of joy before she realized how idiotic she looked, in her kitchen, with a plastic moustache. Rose places the magnet back in its place, she leaves the 93 cents, finding no point in taking the coins.
The Dumbledore-esk wizard statue looked at Rose as if he was trying to decide if she was a pest or had some belonging.
“What’re you lookin at?” Rose asked the metal statue. “Oh what’s the point?” She sighed, shaking her head.
Talking to Mom was rare since Rose never really thought of a constantly drunk woman as a mother. That’s how Rose had found all of her friends. With a heavy sigh Rose walked out of the kitchen and back to her room. Rose opened the door to her room-- her laptop buzzed. Someone was pestering her. Quickly Rose opened the computer and saw the chat bubble appear.
turntechGodhead [TG] START PESTERING tentacleTherapist [TT]
TG: Hey are you busy?TT: Yes
TG: Good listen to this
Rose smiled and went with it. She missed the endless hours she would talk away with Dave. For once in a long time she felt important.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Cirque Du Araignee - Intro
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show.
This show will astound you, I guarantee.
Watch out to see if your ears start bleeding; if your heart stops beating.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming to the show.
You know seeing is believing, so believe what you see here.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.-- Ladies and gentlemen.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
Forget reality and welcome our world of clandestine.
Remember that what you see here is real, but you won’t think it’s true.
Ladies and gentlemen please check to see if you’re still breathing, for our show is about to begin.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
All of your dreams-- All of your fantasies.
They will come true tonight.
Never before has a show like this been performed.
But it is real.
So, do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
Ladies and gentlemen, are you still alive?
Please check to see if you have a pulse, for the dead will not get to experience this majesty.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
Tonight, our circus of freaks will perform heart stopping dares and tame your wildest fears.
Draw yourself in because you’ll want to see this all again.
Do you hear the whispers of the spiders spinning?
Ladies and gentlemen, do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
Come to where the whispers of the night become the screams of your nightmares.
Listen to the horror of life being ripped out of someone’s throat, let them echo through your veins. -- Listen to the fright as it rings in your mind. -- Listen to the ice cold hands of death, picking his next victim. -- Listen, just listen.
Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you now.
If you want it.
If you need it.
You’ll leave behind your long forgotten shells and join me. -- Join me.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
The spiders would like to spin you a tale of majesty and terror, a tale that will surely scare even the toughest of men.-- A tale, a loving tale about separation by death.
The spiders are spinning their web, get caught in it for this will be the ride of your life.
The tale that will forever be etched into your heart-- The tale that you will never forget.
So, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
Again ladies and gentlemen.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
I said, let me hear it.
This show will astound you, I guarantee.
Watch out to see if your ears start bleeding; if your heart stops beating.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming to the show.
You know seeing is believing, so believe what you see here.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.-- Ladies and gentlemen.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
Forget reality and welcome our world of clandestine.
Remember that what you see here is real, but you won’t think it’s true.
Ladies and gentlemen please check to see if you’re still breathing, for our show is about to begin.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
All of your dreams-- All of your fantasies.
They will come true tonight.
Never before has a show like this been performed.
But it is real.
So, do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
Ladies and gentlemen, are you still alive?
Please check to see if you have a pulse, for the dead will not get to experience this majesty.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
Tonight, our circus of freaks will perform heart stopping dares and tame your wildest fears.
Draw yourself in because you’ll want to see this all again.
Do you hear the whispers of the spiders spinning?
Ladies and gentlemen, do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
Come to where the whispers of the night become the screams of your nightmares.
Listen to the horror of life being ripped out of someone’s throat, let them echo through your veins. -- Listen to the fright as it rings in your mind. -- Listen to the ice cold hands of death, picking his next victim. -- Listen, just listen.
Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you now.
If you want it.
If you need it.
You’ll leave behind your long forgotten shells and join me. -- Join me.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
The spiders would like to spin you a tale of majesty and terror, a tale that will surely scare even the toughest of men.-- A tale, a loving tale about separation by death.
The spiders are spinning their web, get caught in it for this will be the ride of your life.
The tale that will forever be etched into your heart-- The tale that you will never forget.
So, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
Again ladies and gentlemen.
Do you want it?
Do you need it?
Let me hear it.
I said, let me hear it.
EHRMAHGERD
Without tracking my own page views we have reached 901 views and eight followers
You guys are gonna make me cry
щ(ಥ◡ಥ)щ
You guys are gonna make me cry
щ(ಥ◡ಥ)щ
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Vulnerable
The lights went out again. Although I was tired this wasn’t the best time to try and sleep. I knew what was happening-- I knew what was going on. Quickly I tried to unbind my hands, even if it was useless. My mother was getting closer-- At least what used to be my mother. She grabbed my chin to hold my head still. I wanted to cry as the cold sting of the needle started at the top of my lip, lacing black thread through my skin.
My skin burned-- nerves cried out for mercy in the darkness. Little dots of blood started to form-- just like the sweat that was building up from nervousness. It was sickening to feel a needle pull thread through my skin. At that moment I wished that my eyes would adjust to the darkness, yet my irritating Nyctalopia was getting in the way.
“Please,” I tried to cry-- hoping that this could end. But it couldn’t end. Suddenly it got very quiet, a small SNIP! and I knew the deed had been done. My mouth was shut-- a light bright burned my eyes, something that’s actually very unpleasant. But it reveled that I had something blocking my vision.
“Hello ladies and gentlemen!” A voice boomed out. “Thank you for coming tonight, and thank you for waiting. Turns out our first little prize here wasn’t completely ready! Anyway, here’s what you’ve been waiting for; a porcelain skinned, ebony haired beauty!”
Prices were thrown around, and I thought I was worth a whole lot more than they were saying. But the prices rose quickly. Finally they stopped, I didn’t know who won exactly.
“Congratulations sir!” A ‘Fun’ little laugh was let out.
Quickly I was picked up-- my heart beat a little faster as the lights faded. Where am I going? I was wearing something heavy, which made it difficult to actually lift me. My mouth still stung, and when I was taken outside it hurt even more. I could feel the cold wind of London bite into my new wounds.
“Here you go sir.” A gruff voice said.
“Thank you,” Another person was there, waiting.
I could hear a quiet exchange of money before I was ushered into a carriage. Carefully someone took whatever was blocking my vision off.
“Hello Miss,” A girl, who had to be at least three years older than me said.
She waited for a response, although I’m not really sure what she was expecting. Like there was any possibility that I could say anything to her. Awkwardly I waved, unable to actually wave since my wrists were tied together.
“Oh, I’m sorry Miss.” She unwrapped my wrists which had imprints from the tightly bound rope.
Although she was sweet, she definitely wasn’t the brightest color of the rainbow. For some reason she still waited for a response. I looked at her, hoping that my “You should say something now.” face was getting across.
“I must apologize for Master Crawley’s haste, see, he’s gotten himself in a bit of trouble. He’s hoping that you’re his saving grace...” She folded the cloth carefully
“Hm?” I mumbled, unsure of what she was talking about.
“Master Crawley bought you to be his wife, his previous wife died of a fever. There’s some other unimportant detail. Either way you’re now Master Crawley’s wife which means you have two kids who for you are going to be adopted. How old are you anyway, sixteen?” She threw the information at me like I should’ve been expecting it.
I nodded, I was sixteen.
“Oh.. Young Master Echo probably won’t like this...” She sighed. “Young Master Echo is Master Crawley’s son who’s been very upset by his mother’s death, he’s seventeen-- he has a grudge against Master Crawley for some reason... I’m not really sure why but he does.. He’s also very, very protective of his poor little sister, Young Mistress Tia.” This was too much information. Way too much information.
How was I going to suddenly become a parent?
“Master Crawley plans on meeting you when you get home,” She stated, looking me over.
The look I was giving her must have been questioning because she explained what she was doing.
“Master Crawley wants you to look elite... I’m afraid we don’t have enough time for that though...” She shook her head.
That was a harsh hit. Even if I couldn’t say it, I felt offended.
“We’ll just have to do with this,” She rummaged around in a bag, eventually pulling out a blood colored, satin dress.
It was only then that I realized I had been thrown into a violet, tulle filled ballgown. Obviously to give me the illusion of eye candy.
“I know this isn’t the ideal place to change but it’s all we have right now..” She shrugged, starting to pull the dress off me.
OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. If I had ever felt violated then it was right now as a woman I just met was going to help me change. Quickly I crossed my arms, hoping it would make her stop.
“Miss, it’s going to be difficult if you keep this up,” She sighed.
I shook my head-- I could get dressed by myself.
“Really, Miss?” She sighed. “Fine..”
She carefully placed the dress in my hands and continued rummaging through this bag. Awkwardly I pulled the tulle dress off and put the red dress on.
“There you go, Miss.” She smiled, which seemed wrong at the moment.
Her smile was quite strange. Only a little-- but enough that she noticed-- I had recoiled.
“What’s wrong, Miss?” She asked as she tilted her head a little.
“Nhm..” I mumbled-- hoping she’d get what I meant.
“Alright, Miss.. We’ll be there soon.” She shifted in her seat, glancing out the window.
My look must’ve been an answer enough.
“I know it seems a little frightening at first but you’ll adapt to the Crawley Manor soon enough,” She smiled in a what was trying to be a comforting smile.
The carriage came to a stop-- proving that the manor had a dark appeal. Even with the numerous windows it still looked closed and uninviting.
“Come along, Miss,” She touched my shoulder carefully.
I shot her a look of what I hoped came across as pity worthy.
“You’ll be fine,” She smiled, ushering me out of the carriage.
The mansion stood in front of us-- looking some what menacing by how tall it was.
“Master Crawley should be waiting inside for us,” She gave me a gentle nudge towards the dark manor.
“Mhn...” the exasperated-- yet scared-- tone of my sigh made it clear to her that I wasn’t that interested in going in.
“It’s not that bad,” She pulled a long silver key from her pocket as she walked up to the intimidating doors.
I then decided that it just wasn’t worth fighting, this would be my life now. Quietly, with my head down I made my way to the disturbing place that I’d be calling home from now on. Once inside I realized just how spine chilling and vast the manor was.
“He should be waiting in his study,” She lead me up a set of stairs.
My head kept turning, there was so much to look at. But I didn’t want to seem eager to know this place, since I didn’t feel to eager to know this place.
“Master Crawley?” She knocked on one of the first doors in the hall.
“Come in.” A rough voice said.
“Master Crawley, here’s your wife,” She opened the door and took me into his study.
“Finally..” He stood up and looked me over. “Get over here,” He waved me toward him.
With my head down I walked over to him.
“Chin up,” He tapped my chin. “You can’t say a word. Got that?”
Even if I could say something I wouldn’t know what to say. I nodded curtly.
“Good. I’m sure Cora told you about Echo and Tia. Ignore Echo, he’s just a little upset by his mother’s death.” He adjusted how the dress fitted as he said this.
This added to the list of things that I had to keep track of.
“I’m Charles Crawley. Cora, you can have it meet Echo and Tia.” He sat back down at his desk, looking as if nothing new had happened.
“Alright Master Crawley,” Cora waved me out of his study. “See? That wasn’t so bad,” She smiled once we were out of his study.
“Nm..” I shrugged-- I hadn’t exactly been scared to meet him. Mostly just unsure of what to do.
“Let’s go, Miss. Master Crawley’s children should be this way,” She lead me back downstairs.
“Echo!” A little girl giggled.
“Young Mistress?” Cora asked.
“Yes?” The little girl peeked her head around the corner so she could see us.
“Your father wants you to meet your new mother,” Cora’s tone was soft.
“New mother...?” She stepped out, an air of confusion had crossed her.
“You know how... You know how your mommy died?” Cora knelt down so she was close to Tia’s height.
“Yes...” Tia looked at her hands, uncomfortable with the question.
“Well, your daddy found you a new mommy,” She pulled Tia’s chin up.
“Tia?” A boy with black hair came from around the corner.
“Young Master, this is your new mother.” Cora quickly stood up.
Disgust crossed Echo’s face and I couldn’t help but feel rejected.
“What’s wrong with her?” His tone had pure hatred in it.
“Nothing,” Cora fixed Tia’s hair.
“There’s something wrong with this... This witch...” He crossed his arms, being blunt.
“She’s not a witch. Be open minded,” She sighed.
“She’s trying to replace my mother. She’s even younger than me!” He was tough with his words.
“Please try to be nice, Young Master.” Cora sighed.
“Hi,” Tia came up to me.
“Hm,” I smiled, hoping she’d be warmer than her brother.
“I’m Tia, I guess you’re my new mommy..” She said as if she were thinking it all through.
“Hmn,” I mumbled, not completely sure what to say-- well, mumble.
“You’re pretty, pretty like a princess... I’m going to call you princess now,” She had an innocent child like grin.
A blush crept along my cheeks.
“Tia, don’t get so close to her.” Echo came over and pulled her away from me.
“Please excuse his behavior, Miss...” Cora shook her head.
“Hmn.” I waved my hand, not wanting to force myself into their lives.
“I’m sure you’re tired, Miss.. Let me show you to your room,” Cora walked me to another room. “I’ll show you around the manor tomorrow, alright? There are clothes in the dresser, goodnight Miss,” Cora closed the door. The room was cold and ominous, is this really my life now? Out of curiosity I looked around the room, drawers, closets, shelves. Finally I ran across a blank diary, and although I was tired, I also wanted to write.
September 30th, 1888
Dear Diary,
Today is the first day of my new life as a mother and wife. A man named Charles Crawley bought me at a black market auction right after my mouth had been closed with a thread and needle. Echo doesn’t like me-- but I understand where he’s making his decision. On the other hand, Tia, his little sister seems to be okay with me... We’ll just have to wait and see.
Yours truly,
Nina White
I closed the diary and fell into a restless night.
A loud barking woke me up. Images from the dream I had been having flashed across my eyes. No... It was just a silly dream... Quietly I opened the door, still unsure where the barking was actually coming from.
“Lucy!” Tia yelled.
A few more barks for a response and I realized that it was just something they had forgotten to mention. I slipped out the door, not wanting to be noticed.
“Come here, Lucy..” Echo begged, he was at the end of the hallway on his knees.
“Please Lucy...” Tia crawled out from behind her brother.
At the end of the hallway a white Scottish Terrier stood, barking none the less. It was cute to see Echo and Tia working as a team, though I’m not sure why it’s bad for the dog to be barking.
“Shut that infernal thing up!” Mr. Crawley’s door slammed open.
Everything went quiet. Now I realized why it’s a bad thing..
“The hag’s up..” He slammed his door shut, ignoring what had made him mad in the first place.
Hag? Did he really call me a ‘Hag’? No... Maybe that’s what he calls Lucy... Or-- or Tia... But those chances aren’t as likely as it is for him to call me a hag...
“The witch is up..” Echo wrinkled his nose in disgust.
“Hi...” Tia waved at me.
“Hmm,” I waved back, hoping my smile came across as nice and not creepy. Ow! My mouth stung as I tried to smile, which inevitably made me slap my hand over my mouth.
“Are you okay?” Tia got up and walked over to me.
“Tia, no.” Echo grabbed his sister around the waist and pulled her onto his lap. “What did I tell you last night? Stay away from her. That’s not your mum. Now go play with Lucy.”
Echo gently pushed her away and got up. My face was proof enough that I felt offended.
“I can tell her what I want,” He shrugged.
If I could’ve said anything, it would’ve been this: “I’m sorry that your mother died, but that doesn’t make me a witch. Truthfully I don’t want to be here. We can make this less unpleasant by being nice, okay?” But that wasn’t an option. All I could do was sigh in an “I’m sorry,” way.
“Save your pity act for someone else.” He rolled his eyes and walked away.
Well then... I went back to the room I was staying in. Several dresses had been put in the wardrobe, and finally I settled on an indigo and silver one. Quickly I pulled it on, hoping to get a look around the manor before I had to face Mr. Crawley again. Someone gently knocked on the door.
“Hm?” I opened the door, unsure of who’d want to talk to me.
“Hi,” Tia smiled up at me.
Awkwardly I waved not knowing what she was waiting for.
“I know Echo doesn’t like you, but I like you,” She smiled.
Did she really decided that after we met twice? I gave her a small smile.
“You and daddy get to go to a lovely party tonight!” Tia had this far away look in her eyes, like it was her dream to go to a party.
Really? After he seems so uninterested in me, he decides to drag me along to some social event?
“Parties seem so magical,” She sighed this happy little sigh.
She was so cute with her little girl dreams and all. I kneeled down next to her, smiling.
“Daddy’s lucky he found you,” She wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.
“Get off my little sister, freak.” Echo tugged Tia away from me.
“But Echo--” She started.
“No. I told you not to go near her. I told you that she will never be like mum. You do not go by her, alright?” He was holding her tightly.
“But Echo--” She tried again.
“Alright?” He asked again.
“Okay..” She sighed, giving up. “Bye, Princess..”
Tia pulled herself out of her brother’s grip and walked away.
“Stay away from my little sister, you witch.” Echo looked at me, being firm.
Slowly I nodded, not wanting to make his life worse.
“He bought you, didn’t he?” Echo sighed, disappointment in his voice.
Again I nodded, feeling somewhat ashamed of this situation.
“Hm. Well, welcome to the world of a man who likes to lie and cheat his way out of things.. And from the looks of it you’ll be his next big lie...” Echo turned around and left, ending the conversation.
“Miss?” Cora had come around sometime during Echo’s description of his father. “Master Crawley would like to see you.”
Quickly I stood up and nodded.
“This way,” She smiled, taking me back to his study. “Master Crawley?” She knocked on the door.
“Come in,” His voice rang out.
“There you go, Miss.” She opened the door and nudged me in.
“Finally...” Mr. Crawley stood up after Cora closed the door. “Tonight we will be attending a social gathering, I’m a very important man and this is a very important party. You will not say one word about anything. Do you understand?”
Was he serious? Was he really telling me not to talk? As if talking was an option.
“Do you understand?” He repeated.
Slowly I nodded, unsure of what he was actually looking for.
“Good.” He crossed his arms. “Cora will help you get ready later, until then just stay out of my way.”
Mr. Crawley sat down at his desk, quickly I stood up and left his study.
“Are you excited, Miss?” Cora asked, carefully laying out an ensemble I was going to be forced to wear.
I shrugged, this was a new thing to me and I wasn’t exactly sure.
“It’s okay to be a little shy at first. Try not to be a wallflower, urge Master Crawley to dance since he’s only really going to improve his social status... Well, either way, don’t make awkward conversation.” She thought aloud.
Why did they all assume I could say something? With my mouth like this it’s impossible to even say “No”.
“I’m sure it’ll be a fun night. Just keep your chin up and smile.” She sighed.
I nodded, hoping that it would be over soon-- that this would be over soon.
“Please put your arms up now, Miss.” She asked, carefully picking up a dress.
Reluctantly I did as I was asked, quickly Cora slipped the dress over my head.
“Alright Miss, please turn around,” She gently pushed my shoulders so I would turn.
Oddly enough the mirror in the room was just centered enough for me to see. As Cora laced up the back of the dress I saw that I was wearing a gorgeous black satin gown with little silver flowers. My eyes were wide with awe.
“It’s lovely isn’t it?” Cora smiled, pulling the ribbon into a bow.
“Princess!” Tia gasped, a smile spread across her face.
“Would you like to help me fix her hair?” Cora looked at Tia.
“Yes please!!” She skipped over to us.
“Now what should we put in her hair?” Cora asked as she pulled my hair up into a bun, letting my bangs frame my face.
“Hm... Oh!! I’ll be right back!” Tia giggled and ran out of the room.
Cora shrugged at me, unsure of what she was going to go get. Minutes later Tia returned with a small box.
“What’s in there, sweetie?” Cora asked.her.
“These!” Tia held up a butterfly hair clip.
“Those are very pretty! Thank you, dear!” Cora smiled.
“They’d be lovely in her hair, don’t you think?” Tia handed Cora the clips, admiring each one before giving them to her.
“They’re very lovely in her hair.” Cora laughed lightly, carefully placing them in my hair.
“Are you excited?” Tia asked me, eyes big.
I shrugged, I didn’t really get why this party was such a big deal.
“Well, Master Crawley is probably waiting for you,” Cora smiled, fixing my bangs.
“Let’s go!!” Tia took my hand and skipped out of the room, pulling me with her.
“Tia!” Echo snapped.
“What?” She looked around, when she saw her brother, all of the color drained from her face.
“I told you not to!” Echo snatched her away from me and pulled her in the other direction.
“Well.... That’s Young Master Echo for you...” Cora sighed, ushering me to Mr. Crawley. “He should be--”
“Finally, you’re here.” Mr. Crawley scoffed.
“I’m sorry Master.” Cora looked at the ground.
“Don’t let it happen again.” He snapped.
Quickly he grabbed my wrist and pulled me out the door. As we traveled to the party there was an awkward silence.
“Just stay out of the way,” Mr. Crawley said as we got out of the carriage.
I kept my head down and nodded.
“Good.” He walked ahead of me, acting like I wasn’t there.
Now I hadn’t attended a party prior to this, at least, I can’t remember attending one prior to this.
“Ah, Mr. Crawley!” Someone from inside said.
Instantly Mr. Crawley ran back to me, wrapped his arm around my waist, and lead me in.
“Hello, Dean! How have you been?” Mr. Crawley asked a man as we walked through the door.
“Well, and you?” The man I presumed to be ‘Dean’ asked.
“I’ve been great, Dear, this is Dean Webb.” Mr. Crawley told me, as if he had been calling me ‘Dear’ ever since we met.
“Who’s this? Catherine was appalled to hear of Violetta’s sudden death, I was sure you would be attending this alone, or with Echo.” Mr. Webb informed.
“Ah, well, Violetta’s death did bring grief to my household, but I couldn’t have Tia living without a mother. Cora is help so she wasn’t an option, all I could to was wed. Thankfully I saved Miss Ellen here, she lived on an island all alone, on one of my ventures out to sea I found her and took her home with me,” Mr. Crawley told this elaborate lie.
“Amazing! I assume that’s why her mouth is stitched closed?” Mr. Webb asked.
“Indeed it is, Sir. Indeed it is.” Mr. Crawley shook his head as if to say: ‘I wish I had gotten there sooner.’.
“Have you heard about this Jack The Ripper fellow?” Mr. Webb looked at me, but he was asking Mr. Crawley.
“Yes, it’s quite frightening news. I hope he doesn’t find my beautiful lady and take her,” Mr. Crawley tightened his grip around my waist, which proved to be very uncomfortable.
“Oh that would be dreadful,” Mr. Webb shook his head, sighing.
“But as long as I’m protecting her then I won’t let him lay a finger on you,” He smiled a sickly smile at me.
God I hoped he wasn’t looking for a kiss.
“I’m sorry that Catherine couldn’t be here, she came down with a cold,” Mr. Webb shook his head.
“Oh, that’s alright, I’m sure Ellen can meet her later. Such a shame though,” Mr. Crawley sighed.
Cora had told me to dance with Mr. Crawley, and at this point I wanted to test this. Since we were in public he had to. With a grin I took his hand and pulled him out to the group that was dancing.
“Wait, what?” He protested as I did this.
His eyes settled on my smirk, this game was going to be fun.
“I told you not to do this,” He said as we danced.
I gave a little shrug, something he didn’t care for.
“One dance. That’s all.” He made himself clear.
That was going to be enough for me. By the looks of how we had been dancing so far, he wasn’t very good. His cheeks became flushed, looking around for a face he knew, someone to use as an excuse.
“Dear, you haven’t met Mr. Ashton yet,” He started to pull me off the dance floor when I halted.
No matter how embarrassing, I knew what had to be done. Quickly I gave him a look of pain and sadness, a look that had tears welled up in the eyes and a feeling of frustration etched into the skin.
“Dance with your wife, Mr. Crawley,” An old man told him.
“Fine..” Mr. Crawley huffed, walking back onto the dance floor.
I shot him a smirk, and then resumed a happy smile. He knew my game now.
“Don’t you dare ruin my reputation,” He whispered.
But from what I heard his reputation had been shot already, how could a dance ruin it? Yet all I could do was mumble “Mhn,”. The violins ceased and the conductor bowed-- The dance was over.
“Alright, Mr. Ashton,” Mr. Crawley took my hand and pulled me away.
“Charles! So glad to see you, I’m glad you could make it! Is this your new bride?” The same old man asked.
“Yes, yes indeed Oliver.” Mr. Crawley nodded.
“She’s simply lovely,” He smiled at me.
Quickly I curtsied, making sure to leave a good impression.
“Dean told me all about you, Mrs. Crawley. How have Tia and Echo been since Violetta died?” He added.
“Tia still doesn’t know what’s going on and Ember is in denial...” Mr. Crawley sighed.
“How do they like Ellen?” Mr. Ashton nodded at me.
“Tia loves her but Echo refuses to even think about her,” Mr. Crawley pinched the bridge of his nose, stressed by his son’s attitude.
“Ah, well, I’m sorry,” Mr. Ashton shook his head, disapproving of Echo’s feelings.
“I guess all I can do is just make him get used to it,” Mr. Crawley shrugged.
Truth be told the whole party had been a drag, people believed Mr. Crawley’s lie of saving me from an island. By the time we had gotten home I had fallen asleep, in the morning I had woke up in my bed.
“Jack The Ripper killed two more prostitutes,” Mr. Crawley grunted as we all sat in the dining room.
“They should just kill that creep.” Echo crossed his arms, ignoring my presence.
“They would if they caught him. Now shut up.” Mr. Crawley snapped his newspaper, continuing reading.
“Or he could just take the witch..” Echo mumbled.
“Ember, I’m trying to read.” Mr. Crawley looked at his son.
“Whatever.” Echo stood up and left.
Mr. Crawley didn’t do anything about his son leaving, he just let it happen.
Little did I know that for weeks it would be like this-- little did I know that it would get worse. Mr. Crawley proved to be a man who would do anything to push himself up, even if it involves throwing me around the house. Not metaphorically throwing me around, actual throwing me around. Which occurred, his attitude toward Tia and Echo also got worse. He stopped caring about them, he just focused on himself. Now, today, October 26th didn’t feel much different.
“Where would you like to go today, Miss?” Cora asked.
We had just arrived in London for what could be a fun day.
“I would love to go look at dresses!!” Tia chimed in.
“Then we’ll look at dresses,” Cora smiled.
Tia skipped ahead, Cora walked behind her and reluctantly I followed them. Suddenly someone grabbed me. Yet my luck I wouldn’t do anything but struggle.
“Just shut up,” Someone whispered.
Like that was comforting, I continued to struggle.
“Just wait!” He slapped his hand against my mouth, a serious look in his eyes. All of his features were covered in a shadow, but his eyes were light.
“God.. Okay, just wait.” He took my arm and ran through the alleys of London.
If anything I stumbled along with him, who he was I still did not know. Finally after the shock wore off I halted, looking at him with such a freaked out look.
“Fine,” He sighed. “I’m Jack the Ripper.” He explained
Normally I would’ve ran away, but something kept me there. Some form of understanding. In an instant I looked caring, not frightened.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” He looked at me seriously.
“Thank you,” Would’ve been appropriate.
“I’ve seen what that... That idiot has been doing to you, I couldn’t do anything for the little girl or the boy but I knew I could get you. Now come on.” He grabbed my wrist and pulled it.
I stayed anchored to my spot. Jack rolled his eyes, he then covered my nose and mouth with a cloth. It smelled... Sweet? It was intoxicating though and in an instant it knocked me out.
All of this cold air rushed into my lungs, my breathing was jagged as my eyes flashed open. I found myself in a room that was dimly lit. Jack walked into the room I was silent, he looked the place over, eyes sharper than needles. His features were rough, sharp and uncaring. It made his entire mood and physique to a pre-set mean. For a moment he lingered at me, I could barely breath. Finally he moved on, deciding that it wasn't that important.
“You finally decided to wake up?” He asked.
When I didn’t answer he sighed.
“What happened to your face?” He pulled out a pocket knife and grabbed my face.
Oh no.... I braced myself for the extreme amount of pain that was going to be pushed upon me. By now the wounds had healed around the thread, so at least it didn’t hurt as much. He snipped the thread, and it proved that pulling the thread out was killer.
My skin burned-- nerves cried out for mercy in the darkness. Little dots of blood started to form-- just like the sweat that was building up from nervousness. It was sickening to feel a needle pull thread through my skin. At that moment I wished that my eyes would adjust to the darkness, yet my irritating Nyctalopia was getting in the way.
“Please,” I tried to cry-- hoping that this could end. But it couldn’t end. Suddenly it got very quiet, a small SNIP! and I knew the deed had been done. My mouth was shut-- a light bright burned my eyes, something that’s actually very unpleasant. But it reveled that I had something blocking my vision.
“Hello ladies and gentlemen!” A voice boomed out. “Thank you for coming tonight, and thank you for waiting. Turns out our first little prize here wasn’t completely ready! Anyway, here’s what you’ve been waiting for; a porcelain skinned, ebony haired beauty!”
Prices were thrown around, and I thought I was worth a whole lot more than they were saying. But the prices rose quickly. Finally they stopped, I didn’t know who won exactly.
“Congratulations sir!” A ‘Fun’ little laugh was let out.
Quickly I was picked up-- my heart beat a little faster as the lights faded. Where am I going? I was wearing something heavy, which made it difficult to actually lift me. My mouth still stung, and when I was taken outside it hurt even more. I could feel the cold wind of London bite into my new wounds.
“Here you go sir.” A gruff voice said.
“Thank you,” Another person was there, waiting.
I could hear a quiet exchange of money before I was ushered into a carriage. Carefully someone took whatever was blocking my vision off.
“Hello Miss,” A girl, who had to be at least three years older than me said.
She waited for a response, although I’m not really sure what she was expecting. Like there was any possibility that I could say anything to her. Awkwardly I waved, unable to actually wave since my wrists were tied together.
“Oh, I’m sorry Miss.” She unwrapped my wrists which had imprints from the tightly bound rope.
Although she was sweet, she definitely wasn’t the brightest color of the rainbow. For some reason she still waited for a response. I looked at her, hoping that my “You should say something now.” face was getting across.
“I must apologize for Master Crawley’s haste, see, he’s gotten himself in a bit of trouble. He’s hoping that you’re his saving grace...” She folded the cloth carefully
“Hm?” I mumbled, unsure of what she was talking about.
“Master Crawley bought you to be his wife, his previous wife died of a fever. There’s some other unimportant detail. Either way you’re now Master Crawley’s wife which means you have two kids who for you are going to be adopted. How old are you anyway, sixteen?” She threw the information at me like I should’ve been expecting it.
I nodded, I was sixteen.
“Oh.. Young Master Echo probably won’t like this...” She sighed. “Young Master Echo is Master Crawley’s son who’s been very upset by his mother’s death, he’s seventeen-- he has a grudge against Master Crawley for some reason... I’m not really sure why but he does.. He’s also very, very protective of his poor little sister, Young Mistress Tia.” This was too much information. Way too much information.
How was I going to suddenly become a parent?
“Master Crawley plans on meeting you when you get home,” She stated, looking me over.
The look I was giving her must have been questioning because she explained what she was doing.
“Master Crawley wants you to look elite... I’m afraid we don’t have enough time for that though...” She shook her head.
That was a harsh hit. Even if I couldn’t say it, I felt offended.
“We’ll just have to do with this,” She rummaged around in a bag, eventually pulling out a blood colored, satin dress.
It was only then that I realized I had been thrown into a violet, tulle filled ballgown. Obviously to give me the illusion of eye candy.
“I know this isn’t the ideal place to change but it’s all we have right now..” She shrugged, starting to pull the dress off me.
OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. If I had ever felt violated then it was right now as a woman I just met was going to help me change. Quickly I crossed my arms, hoping it would make her stop.
“Miss, it’s going to be difficult if you keep this up,” She sighed.
I shook my head-- I could get dressed by myself.
“Really, Miss?” She sighed. “Fine..”
She carefully placed the dress in my hands and continued rummaging through this bag. Awkwardly I pulled the tulle dress off and put the red dress on.
“There you go, Miss.” She smiled, which seemed wrong at the moment.
Her smile was quite strange. Only a little-- but enough that she noticed-- I had recoiled.
“What’s wrong, Miss?” She asked as she tilted her head a little.
“Nhm..” I mumbled-- hoping she’d get what I meant.
“Alright, Miss.. We’ll be there soon.” She shifted in her seat, glancing out the window.
Now I’m not exactly sure what I had been expecting. Maybe just a town house or something similar, after all it was summer. But one of the largest manors that I had ever seen was our destination.
“Are you ready, Miss?” She asked like I had some sort of decision in the matter.My look must’ve been an answer enough.
“I know it seems a little frightening at first but you’ll adapt to the Crawley Manor soon enough,” She smiled in a what was trying to be a comforting smile.
The carriage came to a stop-- proving that the manor had a dark appeal. Even with the numerous windows it still looked closed and uninviting.
“Come along, Miss,” She touched my shoulder carefully.
I shot her a look of what I hoped came across as pity worthy.
“You’ll be fine,” She smiled, ushering me out of the carriage.
The mansion stood in front of us-- looking some what menacing by how tall it was.
“Master Crawley should be waiting inside for us,” She gave me a gentle nudge towards the dark manor.
“Mhn...” the exasperated-- yet scared-- tone of my sigh made it clear to her that I wasn’t that interested in going in.
“It’s not that bad,” She pulled a long silver key from her pocket as she walked up to the intimidating doors.
I then decided that it just wasn’t worth fighting, this would be my life now. Quietly, with my head down I made my way to the disturbing place that I’d be calling home from now on. Once inside I realized just how spine chilling and vast the manor was.
“He should be waiting in his study,” She lead me up a set of stairs.
My head kept turning, there was so much to look at. But I didn’t want to seem eager to know this place, since I didn’t feel to eager to know this place.
“Master Crawley?” She knocked on one of the first doors in the hall.
“Come in.” A rough voice said.
“Master Crawley, here’s your wife,” She opened the door and took me into his study.
“Finally..” He stood up and looked me over. “Get over here,” He waved me toward him.
With my head down I walked over to him.
“Chin up,” He tapped my chin. “You can’t say a word. Got that?”
Even if I could say something I wouldn’t know what to say. I nodded curtly.
“Good. I’m sure Cora told you about Echo and Tia. Ignore Echo, he’s just a little upset by his mother’s death.” He adjusted how the dress fitted as he said this.
This added to the list of things that I had to keep track of.
“I’m Charles Crawley. Cora, you can have it meet Echo and Tia.” He sat back down at his desk, looking as if nothing new had happened.
“Alright Master Crawley,” Cora waved me out of his study. “See? That wasn’t so bad,” She smiled once we were out of his study.
“Nm..” I shrugged-- I hadn’t exactly been scared to meet him. Mostly just unsure of what to do.
“Let’s go, Miss. Master Crawley’s children should be this way,” She lead me back downstairs.
“Echo!” A little girl giggled.
“Young Mistress?” Cora asked.
“Yes?” The little girl peeked her head around the corner so she could see us.
“Your father wants you to meet your new mother,” Cora’s tone was soft.
“New mother...?” She stepped out, an air of confusion had crossed her.
“You know how... You know how your mommy died?” Cora knelt down so she was close to Tia’s height.
“Yes...” Tia looked at her hands, uncomfortable with the question.
“Well, your daddy found you a new mommy,” She pulled Tia’s chin up.
“Tia?” A boy with black hair came from around the corner.
“Young Master, this is your new mother.” Cora quickly stood up.
Disgust crossed Echo’s face and I couldn’t help but feel rejected.
“What’s wrong with her?” His tone had pure hatred in it.
“Nothing,” Cora fixed Tia’s hair.
“There’s something wrong with this... This witch...” He crossed his arms, being blunt.
“She’s not a witch. Be open minded,” She sighed.
“She’s trying to replace my mother. She’s even younger than me!” He was tough with his words.
“Please try to be nice, Young Master.” Cora sighed.
“Hi,” Tia came up to me.
“Hm,” I smiled, hoping she’d be warmer than her brother.
“I’m Tia, I guess you’re my new mommy..” She said as if she were thinking it all through.
“Hmn,” I mumbled, not completely sure what to say-- well, mumble.
“You’re pretty, pretty like a princess... I’m going to call you princess now,” She had an innocent child like grin.
A blush crept along my cheeks.
“Tia, don’t get so close to her.” Echo came over and pulled her away from me.
“Please excuse his behavior, Miss...” Cora shook her head.
“Hmn.” I waved my hand, not wanting to force myself into their lives.
“I’m sure you’re tired, Miss.. Let me show you to your room,” Cora walked me to another room. “I’ll show you around the manor tomorrow, alright? There are clothes in the dresser, goodnight Miss,” Cora closed the door. The room was cold and ominous, is this really my life now? Out of curiosity I looked around the room, drawers, closets, shelves. Finally I ran across a blank diary, and although I was tired, I also wanted to write.
September 30th, 1888
Dear Diary,
Today is the first day of my new life as a mother and wife. A man named Charles Crawley bought me at a black market auction right after my mouth had been closed with a thread and needle. Echo doesn’t like me-- but I understand where he’s making his decision. On the other hand, Tia, his little sister seems to be okay with me... We’ll just have to wait and see.
Yours truly,
Nina White
I closed the diary and fell into a restless night.
A loud barking woke me up. Images from the dream I had been having flashed across my eyes. No... It was just a silly dream... Quietly I opened the door, still unsure where the barking was actually coming from.
“Lucy!” Tia yelled.
A few more barks for a response and I realized that it was just something they had forgotten to mention. I slipped out the door, not wanting to be noticed.
“Come here, Lucy..” Echo begged, he was at the end of the hallway on his knees.
“Please Lucy...” Tia crawled out from behind her brother.
At the end of the hallway a white Scottish Terrier stood, barking none the less. It was cute to see Echo and Tia working as a team, though I’m not sure why it’s bad for the dog to be barking.
“Shut that infernal thing up!” Mr. Crawley’s door slammed open.
Everything went quiet. Now I realized why it’s a bad thing..
“The hag’s up..” He slammed his door shut, ignoring what had made him mad in the first place.
Hag? Did he really call me a ‘Hag’? No... Maybe that’s what he calls Lucy... Or-- or Tia... But those chances aren’t as likely as it is for him to call me a hag...
“The witch is up..” Echo wrinkled his nose in disgust.
“Hi...” Tia waved at me.
“Hmm,” I waved back, hoping my smile came across as nice and not creepy. Ow! My mouth stung as I tried to smile, which inevitably made me slap my hand over my mouth.
“Are you okay?” Tia got up and walked over to me.
“Tia, no.” Echo grabbed his sister around the waist and pulled her onto his lap. “What did I tell you last night? Stay away from her. That’s not your mum. Now go play with Lucy.”
Echo gently pushed her away and got up. My face was proof enough that I felt offended.
“I can tell her what I want,” He shrugged.
If I could’ve said anything, it would’ve been this: “I’m sorry that your mother died, but that doesn’t make me a witch. Truthfully I don’t want to be here. We can make this less unpleasant by being nice, okay?” But that wasn’t an option. All I could do was sigh in an “I’m sorry,” way.
“Save your pity act for someone else.” He rolled his eyes and walked away.
Well then... I went back to the room I was staying in. Several dresses had been put in the wardrobe, and finally I settled on an indigo and silver one. Quickly I pulled it on, hoping to get a look around the manor before I had to face Mr. Crawley again. Someone gently knocked on the door.
“Hm?” I opened the door, unsure of who’d want to talk to me.
“Hi,” Tia smiled up at me.
Awkwardly I waved not knowing what she was waiting for.
“I know Echo doesn’t like you, but I like you,” She smiled.
Did she really decided that after we met twice? I gave her a small smile.
“You and daddy get to go to a lovely party tonight!” Tia had this far away look in her eyes, like it was her dream to go to a party.
Really? After he seems so uninterested in me, he decides to drag me along to some social event?
“Parties seem so magical,” She sighed this happy little sigh.
She was so cute with her little girl dreams and all. I kneeled down next to her, smiling.
“Daddy’s lucky he found you,” She wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.
“Get off my little sister, freak.” Echo tugged Tia away from me.
“But Echo--” She started.
“No. I told you not to go near her. I told you that she will never be like mum. You do not go by her, alright?” He was holding her tightly.
“But Echo--” She tried again.
“Alright?” He asked again.
“Okay..” She sighed, giving up. “Bye, Princess..”
Tia pulled herself out of her brother’s grip and walked away.
“Stay away from my little sister, you witch.” Echo looked at me, being firm.
Slowly I nodded, not wanting to make his life worse.
“He bought you, didn’t he?” Echo sighed, disappointment in his voice.
Again I nodded, feeling somewhat ashamed of this situation.
“Hm. Well, welcome to the world of a man who likes to lie and cheat his way out of things.. And from the looks of it you’ll be his next big lie...” Echo turned around and left, ending the conversation.
“Miss?” Cora had come around sometime during Echo’s description of his father. “Master Crawley would like to see you.”
Quickly I stood up and nodded.
“This way,” She smiled, taking me back to his study. “Master Crawley?” She knocked on the door.
“Come in,” His voice rang out.
“There you go, Miss.” She opened the door and nudged me in.
“Finally...” Mr. Crawley stood up after Cora closed the door. “Tonight we will be attending a social gathering, I’m a very important man and this is a very important party. You will not say one word about anything. Do you understand?”
Was he serious? Was he really telling me not to talk? As if talking was an option.
“Do you understand?” He repeated.
Slowly I nodded, unsure of what he was actually looking for.
“Good.” He crossed his arms. “Cora will help you get ready later, until then just stay out of my way.”
Mr. Crawley sat down at his desk, quickly I stood up and left his study.
“Are you excited, Miss?” Cora asked, carefully laying out an ensemble I was going to be forced to wear.
I shrugged, this was a new thing to me and I wasn’t exactly sure.
“It’s okay to be a little shy at first. Try not to be a wallflower, urge Master Crawley to dance since he’s only really going to improve his social status... Well, either way, don’t make awkward conversation.” She thought aloud.
Why did they all assume I could say something? With my mouth like this it’s impossible to even say “No”.
“I’m sure it’ll be a fun night. Just keep your chin up and smile.” She sighed.
I nodded, hoping that it would be over soon-- that this would be over soon.
“Please put your arms up now, Miss.” She asked, carefully picking up a dress.
Reluctantly I did as I was asked, quickly Cora slipped the dress over my head.
“Alright Miss, please turn around,” She gently pushed my shoulders so I would turn.
Oddly enough the mirror in the room was just centered enough for me to see. As Cora laced up the back of the dress I saw that I was wearing a gorgeous black satin gown with little silver flowers. My eyes were wide with awe.
“It’s lovely isn’t it?” Cora smiled, pulling the ribbon into a bow.
“Princess!” Tia gasped, a smile spread across her face.
“Would you like to help me fix her hair?” Cora looked at Tia.
“Yes please!!” She skipped over to us.
“Now what should we put in her hair?” Cora asked as she pulled my hair up into a bun, letting my bangs frame my face.
“Hm... Oh!! I’ll be right back!” Tia giggled and ran out of the room.
Cora shrugged at me, unsure of what she was going to go get. Minutes later Tia returned with a small box.
“What’s in there, sweetie?” Cora asked.her.
“These!” Tia held up a butterfly hair clip.
“Those are very pretty! Thank you, dear!” Cora smiled.
“They’d be lovely in her hair, don’t you think?” Tia handed Cora the clips, admiring each one before giving them to her.
“They’re very lovely in her hair.” Cora laughed lightly, carefully placing them in my hair.
“Are you excited?” Tia asked me, eyes big.
I shrugged, I didn’t really get why this party was such a big deal.
“Well, Master Crawley is probably waiting for you,” Cora smiled, fixing my bangs.
“Let’s go!!” Tia took my hand and skipped out of the room, pulling me with her.
“Tia!” Echo snapped.
“What?” She looked around, when she saw her brother, all of the color drained from her face.
“I told you not to!” Echo snatched her away from me and pulled her in the other direction.
“Well.... That’s Young Master Echo for you...” Cora sighed, ushering me to Mr. Crawley. “He should be--”
“Finally, you’re here.” Mr. Crawley scoffed.
“I’m sorry Master.” Cora looked at the ground.
“Don’t let it happen again.” He snapped.
Quickly he grabbed my wrist and pulled me out the door. As we traveled to the party there was an awkward silence.
“Just stay out of the way,” Mr. Crawley said as we got out of the carriage.
I kept my head down and nodded.
“Good.” He walked ahead of me, acting like I wasn’t there.
Now I hadn’t attended a party prior to this, at least, I can’t remember attending one prior to this.
“Ah, Mr. Crawley!” Someone from inside said.
Instantly Mr. Crawley ran back to me, wrapped his arm around my waist, and lead me in.
“Hello, Dean! How have you been?” Mr. Crawley asked a man as we walked through the door.
“Well, and you?” The man I presumed to be ‘Dean’ asked.
“I’ve been great, Dear, this is Dean Webb.” Mr. Crawley told me, as if he had been calling me ‘Dear’ ever since we met.
“Who’s this? Catherine was appalled to hear of Violetta’s sudden death, I was sure you would be attending this alone, or with Echo.” Mr. Webb informed.
“Ah, well, Violetta’s death did bring grief to my household, but I couldn’t have Tia living without a mother. Cora is help so she wasn’t an option, all I could to was wed. Thankfully I saved Miss Ellen here, she lived on an island all alone, on one of my ventures out to sea I found her and took her home with me,” Mr. Crawley told this elaborate lie.
“Amazing! I assume that’s why her mouth is stitched closed?” Mr. Webb asked.
“Indeed it is, Sir. Indeed it is.” Mr. Crawley shook his head as if to say: ‘I wish I had gotten there sooner.’.
“Have you heard about this Jack The Ripper fellow?” Mr. Webb looked at me, but he was asking Mr. Crawley.
“Yes, it’s quite frightening news. I hope he doesn’t find my beautiful lady and take her,” Mr. Crawley tightened his grip around my waist, which proved to be very uncomfortable.
“Oh that would be dreadful,” Mr. Webb shook his head, sighing.
“But as long as I’m protecting her then I won’t let him lay a finger on you,” He smiled a sickly smile at me.
God I hoped he wasn’t looking for a kiss.
“I’m sorry that Catherine couldn’t be here, she came down with a cold,” Mr. Webb shook his head.
“Oh, that’s alright, I’m sure Ellen can meet her later. Such a shame though,” Mr. Crawley sighed.
Cora had told me to dance with Mr. Crawley, and at this point I wanted to test this. Since we were in public he had to. With a grin I took his hand and pulled him out to the group that was dancing.
“Wait, what?” He protested as I did this.
His eyes settled on my smirk, this game was going to be fun.
“I told you not to do this,” He said as we danced.
I gave a little shrug, something he didn’t care for.
“One dance. That’s all.” He made himself clear.
That was going to be enough for me. By the looks of how we had been dancing so far, he wasn’t very good. His cheeks became flushed, looking around for a face he knew, someone to use as an excuse.
“Dear, you haven’t met Mr. Ashton yet,” He started to pull me off the dance floor when I halted.
No matter how embarrassing, I knew what had to be done. Quickly I gave him a look of pain and sadness, a look that had tears welled up in the eyes and a feeling of frustration etched into the skin.
“Dance with your wife, Mr. Crawley,” An old man told him.
“Fine..” Mr. Crawley huffed, walking back onto the dance floor.
I shot him a smirk, and then resumed a happy smile. He knew my game now.
“Don’t you dare ruin my reputation,” He whispered.
But from what I heard his reputation had been shot already, how could a dance ruin it? Yet all I could do was mumble “Mhn,”. The violins ceased and the conductor bowed-- The dance was over.
“Alright, Mr. Ashton,” Mr. Crawley took my hand and pulled me away.
“Charles! So glad to see you, I’m glad you could make it! Is this your new bride?” The same old man asked.
“Yes, yes indeed Oliver.” Mr. Crawley nodded.
“She’s simply lovely,” He smiled at me.
Quickly I curtsied, making sure to leave a good impression.
“Dean told me all about you, Mrs. Crawley. How have Tia and Echo been since Violetta died?” He added.
“Tia still doesn’t know what’s going on and Ember is in denial...” Mr. Crawley sighed.
“How do they like Ellen?” Mr. Ashton nodded at me.
“Tia loves her but Echo refuses to even think about her,” Mr. Crawley pinched the bridge of his nose, stressed by his son’s attitude.
“Ah, well, I’m sorry,” Mr. Ashton shook his head, disapproving of Echo’s feelings.
“I guess all I can do is just make him get used to it,” Mr. Crawley shrugged.
Truth be told the whole party had been a drag, people believed Mr. Crawley’s lie of saving me from an island. By the time we had gotten home I had fallen asleep, in the morning I had woke up in my bed.
“Jack The Ripper killed two more prostitutes,” Mr. Crawley grunted as we all sat in the dining room.
“They should just kill that creep.” Echo crossed his arms, ignoring my presence.
“They would if they caught him. Now shut up.” Mr. Crawley snapped his newspaper, continuing reading.
“Or he could just take the witch..” Echo mumbled.
“Ember, I’m trying to read.” Mr. Crawley looked at his son.
“Whatever.” Echo stood up and left.
Mr. Crawley didn’t do anything about his son leaving, he just let it happen.
Little did I know that for weeks it would be like this-- little did I know that it would get worse. Mr. Crawley proved to be a man who would do anything to push himself up, even if it involves throwing me around the house. Not metaphorically throwing me around, actual throwing me around. Which occurred, his attitude toward Tia and Echo also got worse. He stopped caring about them, he just focused on himself. Now, today, October 26th didn’t feel much different.
“Where would you like to go today, Miss?” Cora asked.
We had just arrived in London for what could be a fun day.
“I would love to go look at dresses!!” Tia chimed in.
“Then we’ll look at dresses,” Cora smiled.
Tia skipped ahead, Cora walked behind her and reluctantly I followed them. Suddenly someone grabbed me. Yet my luck I wouldn’t do anything but struggle.
“Just shut up,” Someone whispered.
Like that was comforting, I continued to struggle.
“Just wait!” He slapped his hand against my mouth, a serious look in his eyes. All of his features were covered in a shadow, but his eyes were light.
“God.. Okay, just wait.” He took my arm and ran through the alleys of London.
If anything I stumbled along with him, who he was I still did not know. Finally after the shock wore off I halted, looking at him with such a freaked out look.
“Fine,” He sighed. “I’m Jack the Ripper.” He explained
Normally I would’ve ran away, but something kept me there. Some form of understanding. In an instant I looked caring, not frightened.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” He looked at me seriously.
“Thank you,” Would’ve been appropriate.
“I’ve seen what that... That idiot has been doing to you, I couldn’t do anything for the little girl or the boy but I knew I could get you. Now come on.” He grabbed my wrist and pulled it.
I stayed anchored to my spot. Jack rolled his eyes, he then covered my nose and mouth with a cloth. It smelled... Sweet? It was intoxicating though and in an instant it knocked me out.
All of this cold air rushed into my lungs, my breathing was jagged as my eyes flashed open. I found myself in a room that was dimly lit. Jack walked into the room I was silent, he looked the place over, eyes sharper than needles. His features were rough, sharp and uncaring. It made his entire mood and physique to a pre-set mean. For a moment he lingered at me, I could barely breath. Finally he moved on, deciding that it wasn't that important.
“You finally decided to wake up?” He asked.
When I didn’t answer he sighed.
“What happened to your face?” He pulled out a pocket knife and grabbed my face.
Oh no.... I braced myself for the extreme amount of pain that was going to be pushed upon me. By now the wounds had healed around the thread, so at least it didn’t hurt as much. He snipped the thread, and it proved that pulling the thread out was killer.
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