Elf on the Shelf

Oh my god. Another idiotic Christmas 'tradition'? I thought as I overheard my sister tell my dad about 'Elf on the Shelf'. "Seriously?!" My dad laughed, looking up the plastic freak. Now I've never been oblivious to this. Elf on the Shelf is nothing new to me, but it's something I haven't looked into. My dad choked over his own laughter as he read aloud the FAQ's. Why do people believe in a plastic lie?

As I took time that could be used to be productive, I looked at the FAQ’s. The first thing I see is ‘What happens if my elf is accidentally touched?’. If that wasn’t idiotic enough, the ‘Experts’ recommend putting cinnamon next to your plastic creep. Apparently cinnamon is a ‘Vitamin’ for your elf. Okay, last time I checked the four main food groups for elves are Candy, Candy Corn, Candy Canes, and Syrup. Cinnamon is not on that list.

The next question I see is ‘What if my elf hasn’t moved?’. Now let’s phrase that question in the realistic sense, for what everything really is: ‘What if my plastic doll hasn’t moved?’. Simple answer: Inanimate objects do not move. If inanimate objects are moving in your house then someone’s screwing with you.

The three other questions are asking why your elf goes to the North Pole each night. When I first read that I had to stop. Now this is just getting simply stupid. Adults should not believe in this. It’s one thing when you’re four and believe in Santa. It’s a whole other thing when you’re twenty and you think your plastic junk magically comes to life and flies to the North Pole.

Now observations: If you can’t touch your elf, then how does it get out of the box? Or does it like staying in the box, and it’s going to fly to the North Pole every night in a box? No. It’s plastic and not real. We’re already lying to kids, telling them that an old man comes down the chimney every December. So why add this?